The Importance Of Intimacy And Effective Communication Theology Religion Essay

The Importance Of Intimacy And Effective confabulation Theology Religion EssayThe Bible gives us deep insight into the biblical pattern of parley within our human relationships. graven image shows us in His Word that He is more(prenominal)(prenominal) concerned both(prenominal)what reason than He is or so m let outh. capital of Minnesota tells us that the objective of prophecy is to build up, and if something is verbalize that does non build up, it should not be said. Paul also instructs us about order speaking when its your turn in order to avoid confusion and to pursue peace. When God speaks to us from heaven, 1) it is decent and in order, 2) we go away know what He is lecture about (we own an understanding), and 3) in that respect is a purpose behind it- to build us up conference is a skill colloquy is shaped as victorious what is within of us and conveying it to another soulfulness. I acquit also heard it characterized as an ex channel of sincerity. Not be ing adequate to communicate constitutes the start of our marital problems, which is why I decided to give this tool its own chapter. conference is the process by which we share our thoughts, feelings, and ideas in such a mode that others understand us. The design of confabulation is to make things common. To do this, we define terms and reduce everything down to its common denominator. If we do not define terms and fuck off commonality frustration will result, leading to conflict. The divorce rate in our country is greater than 60%, and research indicates that atomic number 53 of the biggest problems that lead to divorce is discourse issues tribes in business leader to berate with one anotherThis chapter is designed to divine service you and your assistant learn the art of successful dialogue, whether that married person is your married person, your friend, or your signifi nominatet other. When we make things common, we have communion. When we have communion, we hav e community, which is belonging or relationship. Unfortunately, with the way that we currently communicate, what is meant, what is sent, what is received, and what is interpreted are different conversationsBefore you begin your journey to learning successful converse, insure that this invest manpowert will take some effort Effective communication is not for wimpsCommunication is or involvesDialogueHard workTime consumeReveals your perspectiveRequires courtesyRequires clay conversationMust happen at the right momentSucceeds with positive regard for the other personGetting an understandingI pray much success as the Holy Spirit guides you in your efforts to learn how to speak, see, understand, and be understood through the art of successful communication. I also pray that you develop tolerable communication.The Importance of Intimacy and Effective CommunicationIntimacy is necessary for skillful communication. Intimacy is from the Latin discourse innimus kernel innermost. We sha re our innermost thoughts, opinions, feelings, and goals. When we are able to share these things with others, we can connect on another level.Reflection Have you ever felt like you were talking about something, alone the person you were speaking to never quite got what you were saying? How did it feel when you could not connect?A consequence of not being able to communicate due to a lack of affair is that it creates distance as opposed to the closeness that we desire from our coadjutor.Reflection Did you sense a distance amidst yourself and your match when you did not connect?Intimacy or the ability to speak freely from your inner being is a must if there is going to be effective communication patterns in the relationship. The stage of negotiation will be ineffective if intimacy does not exist. Why? Because plenty will not be honest with each other they will simply say what causes the least amount of stress and conflict.Here are five keys to intimacy the five (5) musts for in timacyAccess you must possess the ability to link spiritually, emotionally, and physi announcey. In order to have access to your render, your values must be compatible and in the same(p) camp.Exercise Does your partner share the same values that you do? List three values that you share with your partner.Availability making sure that both you and your partner are available for one another physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Do you and your spouse have a space and a time where you alone chill out and talk and laugh? Is there a time for you to access each other?Exercise Does your partner ever plain that you are not available to him/her? What practical, healthy steps can you take to ensure that you are available to the extent that it makes your partner comfortable?Argot an inside language that you develop with your partner. No one else whitethorn know what you are talking about because this is a language specific to your relationship such that you can have a conversation in the midst of other quite a little and they have no idea what you are talking about.Exercise Give three examples of the types of words, phrases, or gestures used in the comparative argot between you and your partner.Abandonment you have to be willing to extend transparent and self-disclosing. If you are unable or unwilling to reveal yourself, you cant become intimate.Exercise Describe an instance in the past when you or your partner revealed something about yourselves to the portend where you understood him/her (or vice versa) on deeper, more intimate level. drill you must be willing to apply yourself in your relationship.Exercise Give an example of how you might apply yourself even further towards developing a tonicity relationship with you partner.After having lived with a spouse for a number of years, it is apparent that the couple becomes unable to communicate in a normal, meaningful fashion. If either spouse is unable to avoid exchanges that invariably result in conflict , a communication breakdown in the marriage has occurred. In extreme cases, especially if accompanied by abusive tendencies or other symptoms of dysfunction, a growing inability to deal with any verbal exchanges without conflict could be indicative of a much more serious problem that requires the attention of a mental health professional. More often than not, however, growing differences between the spouses, which may have their roots in the above-named causes, are to pluck for communication breakdowns.Treatment James 119-20, Ephesians 415, 29-32, Philippians 214 Do all things without complaining and disputingFailure to CommunicateIn any relationship, communication is essential. One needs to let the other person know what is on his or her mind. You cannot keep on second-guessing the other person. Open communication becomes fine, so misunderstanding can be minimized. Problems arise when one partner expects the other to read his or her mind you will agree with me that this is clos e to impossible. The quest five things hinder the creation of a context of toleration of communication. quint Hindrances to CommunicationThe Compl perishy of Communication Communication is not simply about peoples ability to access vocabulary words. It is a skillful exchange between two people. There are be givenening styles and communication styles that exist in order to help facilitate this. If your spouse is a visual communicator and you are auditory, saying I love you will never reach them as much as really seeing a symbol of your love, such as flowers, a card, a nice gift, etc. Many times, we are talking the wrong language to our spouse. number one Self-Esteem If you have low self-esteem, you will not talk, because you feel that what you have to say is not important. At some point in time, you will talk, moreover that time you may explode. You must learn to value your feelings enough to share them with your spouse. Understand that your unwillingness to share your thoughts can destroy the future of the relationship.Fear of review and Judgment Some people live in fear that what they say may be interpreted in a way that they did not intend, or they are unwilling to allow their words to be potentially judged or criticized negatively. Rather than risk this potentially negative backlash or misunderstanding, they can be hesitant to communicate clearly with sincerity and with honesty.Lack of Knowledge of Internal Happiness You really do not understand what is going on inside yourself, so you are unable to put your true feelings into words. Thus, your words and what is going on inside of you are totally disconnected, and you feel unfulfilled.Inability to Put Thoughts and Feelings into wrangle Some people put thoughts and feelings into actions, such as being mean, slamming doors, withholding physical intimacy, and name-calling, because they are unable to verbally communicate exactly how they feel. If you can be comfortable without any talking with your si gnificant other, there is something wrong and dysfunctional with your relationship.Exercise Choose the hindrance that most affects communication within your relationship and so list two alternatives to overcoming those hindrances.Communication involves talking with objectives and the following are the objectives behind talking. Determine which ones you are trying to achieve when talking with your spouse.Information scolding informs you or makes you aware of something you do not know. We must talk in order for others to understand us. We cannot expect others to know what we are thinking or feeling. Some people tend to say, He should ALREADY know But this is not the case. Simply because we articulate what we want over and over does not mean that our partner gets the message. disclosureInformation is based on words however, the basis for revelation is self. Revelation is the self-disclosure behind the words. The objective of communication is not expert words, because words are short -handed to holistically explain what we are trying to say.CommunicationThere is a difference between talking and communicating. Communication is the process by which we share our thoughts, feelings, and ideas in such a way that others understand us. The goal of communication is to make things common. To do this, we define terms and reduce everything down to its common denominator. If we do not define terms and find commonality, frustration will result, leading to conflict.Exercise Pick one issue or need that you feel your partner has not responded to in ways that satisfies you, and answer the following questions regarding this issueHave I fully expressed to my partner what it is I want? Yes NoHave I revealed to my partner what it is I want? Yes NoWhen I expressed these issues and revealed myself to my partner, based upon the definition of communication, was I simply talking or were we truly communicating?How can I more effectively communicate this particular need to my partner?The 5 Levels of CommunicationThere are, what I refer to as, five levels of communication that at some level are correlated with the objectives of talking, but differ due to the emotional involvement in communication vs. talking.Level 1Clich Shallow level of communication we use when talking with strangers. We dont talk about anything of significance because we are not trying to relate.Level 2Reporting Facts A simple exchange of data. This occurs oftentimes in relationships, as people may simply report the details of their day to one another. A husband and wife may talk about the kids, what happened on their jobs during the work day, whats for dinner, and what bills need to be paid, rather than anything on a deeper level.Level 3Sharing of Ideas and Opinions This is the firstly level of risk communication, because it taps into the cell nucleus of who we are. On this level, we risk possible conflict and/or rejection that may result from disagreement. What if your partner shares his/he r ideas or opinions about this and you do not agree? For this reason, most people stay away from this level and stick to Level 2. Many couples have tried this level and found it to be too challenging.Level 4 revelation Emotions This level of risk is the I feel level where you communicate your joys and sorrows to your partner. The problem with this level is that if a woman communicates her emotions to a man, he will tend to blame himself for causing the woman to feel this way. Rather than hear the emotions of the woman, the man may move into a posture of defense that might thrust him into warfare. People may not mind communicating the joyful emotions on this level, but they often do not like to communicate negative emotions on this level.Level 5Complete Disclosure -The riskiest, but most rewarding level of intimacy, is the unrestrained, honest sharing of ones innermost desires, whether they are popular or not to a partner The partner, in response to the sharing of emotions on this l evel, will because respond in a loving, accepting way that acknowledges the problem and assists their partner in resoluteness the problemExercise Complete the following chart regarding your relationships communication style. For each level of your relationship, write down you and your partners level of communication at that particular point in time. Check only those relationship levels that apply to your own relationship and skip the levels that do not apply.Relationship Level Communication LevelWhen you first met your partnerOne year after you met your partnerThe day you married your partnerOne year after the birth of your first childFive years into your marriageTen years into your marriageYour relationship todayIf you noticed a change in the level of communication, to what might you attribute this change? At what level would you like your communication with your partner to be?If we want to have a tolerable relationship that is healthy, we must be attentive to our communication s tyle. Sometimes we engage in negative communication styles beyond our own consciousness. Virginia Satir offers a model that accentuates what she refers to as the four styles of communication.Four detrimental Communication StylesPlacater The Yes person who tries to avoid conflict at any cost.Blaming The fault finder who tries to find fault in your argument or something he/she can be critical of in an argumentComputing The Cool, Calm, Collected, and Correct person who is always right. They never get excited or emotional, because they know they are right. During their turn in the conversation, they will explain to you all of the facts. They tend to believe that their partner has lost the facts in all of their emotion.Distracting The person who changes topics like crazy because the conversation becomes too conflicting, personal, and intimidating.Circle the Communication Style that best describes YOUa. Placaterb. Blamingc. Computingd. DistractingCircle the Communication Style that b est describes your PARTNERa. Placaterb. Blamingc. Computingd. DistractingHow do you think either of your negative communication styles has force the communication in your relationship?Communication Styles Characterized by AnimalsShark The CompetitorGets what they want no matter what it takes by shouting, sulking, withholding physical intimacy some(prenominal) works. This type does not mind having disharmony in the home.Bear The AccommodatorKeeps peace at any costFox The NegotiatorSpecialist in compromise such that everyone wins a little and everyone loses a little. Both Bear and Fox tend to walk away half-pleased.Turtle The quasherPretends that problems do not exit in the relationship. Their partner tends to be the shark-style communicator. This person feels conflict, so he/she becomes passive and withdrawn. Some people think they have happy marriages, because they are married to turtles.The snout The CollaboratorThe win-win person who will try to get a resolution for all. ranges to operate with wisdom.Exercise List the potential strengths and weakness of your animal-type communication style and that of your partner.Communication and Non-VerbalsCommunication is more than the words you speak. Communication encompasses what you say, how you say it, and how your carcass is reacting to what you are saying. Research shows that communication is7% Words24% Tonality69 bole Language and ExpressionsReflection What would happen if your partner shouted to you, I AM interested in what you are saying while turning away from you to intently watching his/her favorite show on the television? Would you believe the words that he/she was communicating? The tonality and the non-verbals would outweigh the words that were communicate.Key Dynamics of Communication listing is one of the most important functions of communication there is. If both people are slow to listen and quick to speak, there will be chaos and lack of communication because there will be no understand ing. There is a difference between HEARING and LlSTENINGHearing the auditory receipt of soundListening the ability to hear, interpret, and understandExercise Give an example of how your partner may have heard something you said rather than listen to what you saidListening involves commitmentA commitment to understand, empathize, to put aside ones own interests and prejudices long enough to see the relationship through the eyes of the other person. The goal of listening is to understand, learn, and extol helping.Listening involves complimentBecause our partner listens, we tend to feel that we matter.Roadblocks to ListeningMost men dread hearing the words, Can I talk to you about something? or We need to talk. They tend to ask themselves, What did I do now? They dread that they will now have to engage in an action mechanism that so many of us are unprepared for the art of intentional listening.The following are roadblocks to listening in which many of us engage in with our relat ionshipsMindreading ignoring what is being said while trying to figure out what is meant. In other words, ignoring the obvious in favor of the imaginaryRehearsing preparing what is going to be said. You cannot listen you are trying to get your argument together against your partnerFiltering keeping the things that you do want to hear or that you do agree with and blocking out all you do not want to hear decide Listening to criticize, to judge, and to find blameDaydreaming not paying attention or tune the other person outAdvising jumping in to try to fix the problem with a solution rather than hear what the person is saying. Just because your partner has a problem does not mean that he/see wants you to fix it all of the timeExercise Evaluate the following scenario.Jesse is listening to his wife complain once again about the gas tank of their car being left on empty after he has driven it all weekend. As his wife proceeds to give him a play-by-play of who drove the car that week end and when and where it was driven, he is trying to pinpoint in his mind exactly who should have halt to fill the cars tank rather than hearing his wifes issue. After she finishes, he has already concluded whose fault this whole issue was, deciding actually it was her fault. Which roadblock is Jesse employing?a. Mindreadingb. Rehearsingc. Filteringd. Judginge. Daydreamingf. AdvisingDynamics of brisk ListeningStep 1 Pay Attention. Listen without any roadblocks.Step 2 Paraphrase. Restate your understanding of what your partner has spoken to you.Step 3 Clarify. Your partner comes back with what he/she actually meant if you did not get the intended message.Step 4 Collect Yourself and Get Feedback. The feedback should address what you just clarified with your partner. Deal with the facts on the floor and respond with what you feel about what was communicated.The goal of communication is not agreement or convincing your partner. Rather, the goal of communication is to be heard and und erstoodExercise Choose a neutral topic to discuss with your partner, and allow your partner to practice utilizing the four Dynamics of Active Listening while you explain your topic. After you have had your turn, allow your partner to use the same exercise. Write down the results of how this exercise transpired and how active listening make each of you feel.Very few people actually make contact in communication, i.e., two people ending up at the same place, intimate where they are when they get there. We tend to be on different frequencies when we communicate, and thus never end up on the same channel. Everyone wants to grow close with their partner, but when people realize how difficult this is through communication, they tend to shy away from this type of relational intimacy and decided not connect on a deeper level.Communication allows our partners to know us, who we are, and how we think or feel. We want them to enter our world of feelings so that we can enhance them, support th em, help them, or simply enjoy them.Expression of oneself is the ability to give voice to ones emotional feelings. The only way to do this is through the process of self-awareness. Youve got to learn how you feel and what it is that you are feeling and then put a voice to it so that the other person can understand it.If you find yourself constantly saying, You dont ever listen to me, you might consider request the question, Am I listening to myself?, because you might be communicating the wrong way.The Pillars of CommunicationThe following charts are exercises to begin learning about you so you can clearly articulate your issues.Pillar 1 How to Express Yourself Prepare to TalkStepTask1Identify what it is you feel (Is it a good or bad feeling?)2Ask yourself, How important is this feeling to me? (Is it really important enough to talk about?)3What is the feeling saying to me? (Something positive, negative, affirming, etc.)4What do I want to do about this feeling? (What do I want or ex pect to happen?)5What past receive does this feeling remind me of? (Have I ever felt this before?)6Name your feeling (annoyed, happy, sad, playful, jealous, etc. you cannot explain it you if you cannot name it)7Define the word for the feeling in terms of intensity (Very, a little, not at all)8Define the word or feeling in terms of time (How long youve held the feeling?)9Define the feeling in cause and context (When the feeling came, where were you were, and in what context?)10Define the feeling in terms of its historical context (Have you ever felt this way at another stage in your life?Pillar 2 Scripting Your Needs formulation in Advance How to Ask for what you wantStepTask1Say exactly what you mean2Send the message effectively by using the right words and action3Obey the 10 Commandments of Clean Communication10 Commandments of Clean CommunicationCommandment 1Avoid Judgment Words and Loaded Terms(Words that communicate your partner is flawed, incorrect, and in error)Commandmen t 2Avoid Global Labels(Stay away from generalizations and name-calling, as this will conclude down communication)Commandment 3Avoid You Messages of Blame and Accusation(Stay away from always and never, and use I rather than You statements when talking about your feelings)Commandment 4Avoid Old History(Stick to the issue at hand and discuss one issue at a time)Commandment 5Avoid Negative Comparison.(Dont ask, Why cant you be like Frank?)Commandment 6Avoid Threats(Threats bring insecurity in a relationship and causes people to be less self-disclosing with you)Commandment 7Describe your feelings rather than attacking with them.(Your goal is not to make your partner feel bad, but to express how you feel)Commandment 8Keep Body Language Open and Receptive(You speak louder with your body than with your words)Commandment 9Use Whole Messages(Use your thoughts, your feelings, and your emotions)Commandment 10Use blow over Messages(Make sure youre specific, and do not ask loaded questions of your partner)Exercise Complete the following exercise by listing which commandments the following statements are violating (some may wound more than one).StatementCommandment ViolatedYou have the biggest stomach in the whole class. Why cant you lose weight?You have one more time to hang the telephone up on me before I walk out for goodI wish I would have know that you were this stubborn before I married youI am very upset about the way you treated me yesterday. Why did you totally ignore me?This is just like when you almost had an affair three years ago. Youve never changedI can listen and do my paperwork at the same time. My hands are occupied, not my earsSometimes I think that you dont like me anymore. Thats all I have to say.Well, maybe if you werent so uneducated, you wouldnt be so closed-mindedYou always decide to call one of your friends on the phone when I say we have an issue to resolveYes, I am jealous, and its all your fault You dont have to hug people like that in front of meHow to Communicate with Your BodyThe following are steps that you and your partner can exercise to communicate more effectively with your body languageMaintain Eye ContactLean in Close to the PersonNod and Give Short Verbal AffirmationsSmile or Frown, Whichever is inhibitKeep Your Posture Open. Arms Unfolded, Towards Your PartnerActively Move Away From DistractionsExercise Evaluate the following scenarioLynn certainly thinks that she looks like she is listening to her partner. She is seated in a comfortable chair, leaning forward with her arms unfolded, and she is making direct eye contact with him. However, she is neither nodding nor shaking her head, she says nothing, and her face is expressionless. Even further, when her partner finishes talking, Lynn remains in her same posture, gazing intently at him, but not saying a word. Her partner thinks that she is in a daze. What is Lynn communicating to her partner with her body?Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Galatians 61Sometimes you are talking to someone who hurt you, but you have to be eager to restore the relationship. However, if the goal of communication is not restoration, there really is no need to talk.There are certain parameters to fair communication that each partner in a relationship should employ.Dos and Donts of CommunicationDontsBe judgmentalExpect too much from one sessionBring up your mates pastButt in or be rudeOverstate by saying you a1ways or You neverLose your temperPout or give the silent treatmentTell endless storiesCompeteThink in terms of winning and losingBelittle your maleDosBe accepting and tolerantPlan to talk againBe forgivingBe courteous as to a strangerBe accurate by saying Sometimes, Many times, To me it seemsBe in control of yourselfBe positive, outgoing. and unselfish even when you dont feel like itBe conciseSee yourself as an equal partne rBe cooperative and not combativeBe affirming and build up your mateExercise Choose three Dos listed and list the possible positive consequences of the chosen behavior. Then, choose three Donts listed above and list the possible negative consequences of the chosen behavior.Difference in the Way Men and Women CommunicateThere are a number of differences between the communication styles of men and women. For example, you have a 96% chance of the conversation continuing when the man initiates it, and yet, you have only a 36% chance of the conversation continuing when a woman initiates it. Also, because men have a larger ego, this ego drives a mans awareness of what is received and what is blocked out in communication. Differences do not have to hinder our communication if we acknowledge, understand, accept, and learn to work with them. Men and women must have positive regard for the differences that exist between them.MenWomenFocus on proceedingFocus on relationshipFocus on solving pr oblems with the factsLike to share their feelingsNeed an agenda when communicatingTend to use intense adjectivesTend to interrupt moreTend to be more descriptive in conversationTalk more in public settings than they do in esotericTend to talk more in small groupsTalk loudly and tell lots of storiesTalk more quietly with focuses on fewer topicsTalk about reportsTalk about rapportAssume you are sharing what you want revealedAsk a lot of questionsTend to be competitive in their dialogueTend to be cooperativeTend to be exclusiveTend to be inclusiveInformationIntuitionListen for whats importantListen for detailsNeed time to process their thoughts and feelingsProcess immediatelySay women are too emotionalSay men are not untoughened enoughSay women talk too muchSay men dont listenHow God Broke Down Differences to Communicate with HumanityThe incarnation was a divine example of communication that transcended differences. In John 1, the incarnation taught us that communication has to be re flective. The Word accurately described what God was feeling. The word God spoke was so reflective of God that it was God Himself. We have to take time to come up with the words that accurately reflect what i